Like the Circle of Life or the rings made by a stone thrown in the water, cancer casts a circular influence that encompasses many and diverse people. When one person has cancer it effects many, many people, some in a negative way but most in an exceptionally positive manner. The experience of being close to a cancer patient is truly remarkable.
For months even before she had been diagnosed Melodina was on a haematology/oncology ward often. We met the most inspirational children. Strong, often smiling, these kids kept us going when we didn't know what was wrong with our daughter. That was ward 8A. During the summer, fall and early winter of 2007 and 2008 Melodina was in and out of the hospital, sometimes twice a week. When we weren't admitted to hospital, we had to attend as out patients on a regular basis. It was always an inspirational wonder to see the positive attitudes of the cancer Kids. It was an unmitigated joy to say good bye to these children when they were well enough to go home. We are still able to follow the health of some of these kids.
We have been able to help the families of cancer kids and they have been able to help us. The parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters of fellow cancer patients have become close to us. Some have helped us through difficult periods while we have been able to help others. This system of mutual support and understanding is essential to our mental and emotional stability.
In some circles the word cancer is almost as anti social as a four letter word. Melodina as well as Indira and I have had friends who chose not to communicate with us since Melodina was diagnosed. There have not been many but perhaps the whole idea of cancer is so foreign and so frightening that they can't find the courage to face it. Perhaps they have known someone close to them who died of cancer and can't face even the thought of someone else dying that way. Perhaps, as I have heard, some people feel it is Karma or punishment from God. Whatever their particular reasons I think I understand that it is very, very difficult for some people to face the idea of cancer, particularly in a young person.
Most people on the other hand are supportive beyond any reasonable expectation. We have hundreds of people, many of whom we don't know praying for Melodina in churches, temples and mosques all over the world. My barber in Toronto, a Muslim, said special prayers during Ramadan for Melodina. Individuals all over the world include her in their daily prayers and meditations. All of this positive energy being focused on Melodina must be contributing to her survival.
Our neighbours have been spectacular. We moved to our present home just a few months before Melodina got sick. Our new neighbours have mowed our lawn, weeded our garden, checked on our house, removed the snow and planted flowers. They have prayed in their churches and they have called to check on us in the hospital. Some have even made special trips to Toronto to visit. We are blessed with great neighbours and we are grateful.
What cancer does to a family is a great spherical experience as well. My oldest daughter by a previous marriage has been very supportive. Naomi, who spent time at Sick Kids many years ago has special feelings and experiences to share with her half Sister. I have not lived with Naomi since she was an infant. In a way cancer has brought us together. I have had the best talks of my life with Naomi since Melodina has been sick.
Harmony, Melodina's older sister with two children comes to visit when she can and calls, usually twice a day to support her mother, her sister and me. Harmony has always been a daughter we were proud of and her support has been invaluable. We have always been close and each of us regrets that we see so little of each other. She can't come if her children even have a hint of a cold in order to protect Melodina. Mike our son in law has been great as well, driving the family into Toronto to see us and laugh and joke with his sick sister in law. Harmony may never understand fully how much her daily phone calls have meant.
My sister comes often to help us and Janet Archer comes with her when she can. Indira's sisters and brothers in England and India talk to us regularly on the phone. As I am writing this the phone rang and Indira is talking to India. Hannah, Indira's niece who is in medical school in England even took her Christmas vacation last year to spend time daily with Melodina in the hospital. We talk to Hannah's sister Emma, a nurse, regularly on the phone. Melodina's godmother has come from England to visit and she calls regularly from wherever she is in the world.
Then there are Melodina's friends and team mates who have come from near and far to visit her in the hospital. She's had classmates from her old school in Kitchener, from her new school in Shelburne. Ski team members and Karate club members have come. Young family friends and cousins visit when they can. Melodina has had young people visit her from as far away as Windsor and British Columbia. Kelly Vanderbeek from Canada's National Ski Team keeps in touch from wherever she is training or racing in the world. All contribute to her mental and emotional health.
Hospital staff also is phenomenal. Most discern the stress we must be under and the hardship Melodina is experiencing. They go out of their way to help us fathom what is happening and to help us understand the treatment options. They answer all our questions with humility and compassion and aid Melodina by empowering her to participate in her treatment planning.
Some doctors are still living in the past when doctors pretended to be gods with absolute powers. Those doctors add to the strain of both patients and their families but most Sick Kids doctors are sympathetic and merciful. This is all the more impressive when you understand that many are among the top researchers in the world in their field. The Staff Doctors are supported by large numbers of Fellows who are fully trained and working for low wages and long hours in order to practice with the best. These doctors have chosen to work with children and have respect for their patients that helps them to understand the various traumas they face.
We have dealt with numerous nurses. These people are friendly, compassionate and knowledgeable. Many nurses have helped us suggest treatment changes that have helped Melodina by easing her suffering or protecting her organs from some of the harmful effects of the drugs. Just today we started with home visiting nurses and the first one we met was knowledgeable and helpful. If I listed the names of all the nurses who have been helpful to us and deserve special thanks I couldn't finish this posting this week.
Sick Kids also has Child Life Specialists and volunteers who contribute to the well being of patients. The PSAs (cleaning staff) contribute to the health of the children when they do their jobs and keep infections at bay but many also help with their compassion and friendship.
So there are family, friends who call often, neighbours who are truly neighbourly and medical staff dedicated beyond the norm who support us on a daily basis. There are also many businesses who have been particularly kind. I hope to deal with both positive and negative business experiences in a future entry because it is very interesting. There are are, in addition to these people, many, many folks who we don't even know who are involved with Melodina and her recovery in a multitude of varying ways.
I'm certain I have failed to mention innumerable people who have helped us, encouraged us and supported us over the last three years. All deserve more credit than we can possibly extend. Thank you one and all. We are grateful. You are in our hearts and prayers. Cancer has confirmed my belief in the spirit, love and greatness that dwells within all people.
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